Same merry go round, different hair

In life we have lots of opportunities to have " fresh starts "or we make a decision to have them.
New years,... thousands of resolutions are made sometimes kept, but usually broken,.
End of a relationship,
House move,
Career move........ you name it the list goes on.

Most of the time,  you start buzzing with anticipation, new energy to put into planning and executing your new life.
This is the adrenalin our bodies create to cope with life changes we didn't want or ask for, such as  redundancy, or death of a loved one
In any case we plan and imagine our new lives, make little changes to acknowledge the new start, like a new coat, or car.. then we ....
Unless you are really lucky, either give up, hit a brick wall or carry on trying forever reaching for the fresh start.

Eventually though we just fall back into a routine one way or another.

With every new start I have had it usually involved in a relationship break down, in which instance I would get a new haircut to symbolise the " fresh start " new life ect ect.

Recently I had my much anticipated visit the Dr Green Pain management specialist.

Now if you have been following my blog, you will most likely know why I was a little sceptical about my upcoming appointment, if not and you haven't been following my blog, why not???
Well after my last encounter and the fact I am still on the waiting list, we decided I would see someone privately.
This is something I wasn't happy with as it would incur my husband more money that we didn't have on this shitty illness, but the pain has been getting me down so much that I agreed.
With the thought that if Dr Green you are the same or worse than all the others, my husband will have to bail me out of jail!!!

So I arrived with the long list of meds and symptoms in my hands, sat in a very homely yet uncomfortable waiting room.
Do you know if I ran a place for people in pain, it would be the most comfortable dam waiting room in the world! what is it with these people???

Anyway an hour and lots of paperwork later I got into see him, Wow
Within minutes he had me in tears, not because he had upset me, but because someone finally got it!
He talked about how pain works, I felt like a university student in a lecture at one point, but it made sense,
He talked about lots of things,Mainly about acceptance, not chasing the magic pill as there isn't one. Taking control and managing my symptoms, and I left armed with a booklet, a pain management toolkit, and websites to visit. Most of all though I left with something more, that I had not had for a long time optimism!

So the next day I was all fuelled up, ready for my new start, with an instant urge to cut my hair!!!
This is really strange,... then I went and cut my hair not just a trim but a whole new style....weird
I began to realise that in fact, with the wake up call from Dr  Green that I had to accept my new normal, my new way of life,
 I was in fact I was ending a relationship with myself!
all be it my old self ...

That was a few weeks ago now, and with most " fresh starts " there is the brick wall, the slip back into a routine as discussed.

I rang all fired up the physio,.... appointment what 3 freaking months away????

water exercise thingi, how much money???

Yoga, how far away????

But I`v had my hair cut!!!


hmmmm ok whats on tv.???

So what happens now, I'm still in pain, still feel sick and still have no energy but  I have realized I have to accept my new state so to speak, have said goodbye to the old life, what now??????



I then got a letter of the lovely Dr Disney...

 I have found a physician, specialised in complex cases I would like you to see, however the waiting list is huge I would advise you go private. oh fuck here we go again ....

So my new life may consist of the same medical merry go round, more money we haven't got being spent, different doctors, more waiting lists and more pills.

So whats different from my old life? whats my fresh start,?


Hey I have a new haircut!!!!!!