We patiently wait for the results of these tests to hear whether we have passed or failed, what grade achieved and where we go from here.
When it comes to test of the medical kind, we have waited patiently for a yes or no.. Yes you're pregnant, no you don't need glasses and even yes you have cancer.
We are programed to expect results either positive or negative to any test we take. ...
So what happens if there is no conclusive yes no, pass or fail answer??
More often or not, this for us, the chronically sick, is a reality, we may not get conclusive answers,instead we get responses like ..
"Well its not showing this" or "Its showing this and er well we are not really sure" and "Although we know its not this we still actually don't know what it is, but hey we will do another test"
Even if we get a definite answer we don't then get the actions that usually proceed a medical fail, such as...
" Ok you have .... so we will do this,and this and then you will be fine" instead we have responses such as ...
" Ok hmm take this pill and this pill, but we don't know if they will work, if not er not sure, how about a pain clinic?"
Sound familiar?
Still we endure them and they range from the uncomfortable to the downright painful to the embarrassing.
Here's a few I've endured, I'm sure you have many more.
The blood test
Now depending on how experienced your nurse or the doctor is depends on the experience you have, and if you're anything like me it counts!
Iv had nurses that have been fantastic I couldn't feel a thing bliss.
Then I have had the handfisted clumsy oaf who forgets there is an actual person attached to that arm.
One doctor in the ER got that flustered after the third attempt at putting a cannula in that I could have actually felt sorry for him, if it wasn't for the fact there was not blood all on the floor and running out of my arm!!.
The ECG
This test involves them placing stickers over your chest and sometimes back and legs, They then attach wires to the little metal poppers on the sticker so they can read the electrical pulses of your heart.
This may take a few minutes laying flat, or 24-48hrs or 7 days where as you carry the recorder device around with you.
I have had all of them over the course of a lifetime and most recently over the course of two years as like now...
Now I am walking around like a Cyber Man with wires everywhere, and I`m going to be like this for another 5 days arrg.
I have tried covering them up with scarves, but in a 32 degree temperature I either die from heat exhaustion or I`m stared at even more for being the only person in the country wearing a god damn scarf!
Then there`s the itching after a while the sticky tabs start to itch, itch so much I'm sat on the bus either scratching my self in various places like a flee bitten dog, or I'm trying to ignore it and end up wriggling like I need a wee.
Now the upset and paranoia has set in, lets face it who wants to be laid in bed next to a Cyborg,
...I'm thinking my husband is going to be repelled.
This is not helped by the fact i heard ..
"Hmm I'm not going to cuddle you I may yank a wire out by accident"
So I lay in bed, again in 32 degree heat, with a bloody t shirt on!
Talking about feeling my husband will be repelled..
The few minute ECG ..
I had been taken to the ER on day, as usual first thing they do with me bloods and ECG. So the nurse says take your bra and top off and lay on bed, hubby is stood in corner, usually he is not in with me.
So there I lay, and if you're anything like me, boobs go to the side, well mine practically disappear under my armpits!
I do not allow my hubby to see this at home, its either bra on or laid with arms positioned to avoid the bad boob look ... come on ladies you know what I'm talking about!
Anyhow here's the worst bit the nurse actually lifted up my boob to place a wire underneath..
I was MORTIFIED !!!
These are only a couple of examples there are also the.....
MRI tests ...
Where Iv found myself in a tube realising I need a wee and I'm actually claustrophobic!
Echocardogram test....,
Which is basically a ultra sound but combined with Fibromyalgia not good as the probe instead of gently gliding over my ribs feels like a brick smashing them. Again this depends on how hand fisted the sonographer is...
And yet again we encounter the bad boob look!!! ..
THE HEART CATHETER test....
Which involved placing a thin tube up my groin into my heart and camera through that.
This is where I found myself naked from belly button down, trying to explain to a lovely male student nurse holding a razor up,...
Than I had indeed given myself a Brazilian, and didn't require his assistance...
This took some time!
I suppose some good results have come out of my tests iv been able to share with you a few stories, share some of my experiences and hopefully you have had a little giggle in which case my tests came back ...
Positive :-)
You can also follow me at ..
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Chronic-illness-support/290993151091842
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